Nothing To See

Why I showed no signs of sexual abuse as a child

We desperately want to know what to look out for to identify if a child is being sexually abused behind closed doors.

But what happens if there’s nothing to see?

I was an 8-year old boy, being sexually abused by a 35-year old man and no one knew about it. I didn’t tell anyone or show any signs.

Did he ask me to keep it a secret, I’m not sure. Was I getting something out of it in the way of attention, I’m not sure.

But what I am sure of is, we need to understand the complexities of abuse and how a child or teenager may feel in a situation, because at the moment, we are failing to see beyond the surface.

And the online world opens up other routes into abuse. Here’s a simple and shocking example.

What are the chances that a 10-year old boy playing FIFA on Xbox LIVE would answer a request in his DMs to send a picture of himself with no top on in exchange for £100 worth of FIFA coins?

Be honest.

Then, once that’s successful and no one finds out about it (because how would they?), what are the chances that he will send the next more explicit request for another £100?

Be honest.

Does this make you feel uncomfortable? Why? Is it because we see the fragile nature of children in a world that adults have created?

So what must we do about it?

I now travel around the country speaking to both students and staff about that question.

One thing I can say with compete confidence. Your annual safeguarding training is not enough. You must understand sexual abuse not only with your head, but also your heart.

And when I receive feedback from teachers saying, I’ve been involved in safeguarding for 20 years and I’ve never learnt as much as I did in your session, I wonder, why is this?

My answer? Because we are afraid. Afraid of facing the truth.

The key for me is to inspire students to feel strong in the face of this crime. And to be able to come forward. Children are not afraid like we are. But they want to hear that when something doesn’t feel right, they can come forward. While they also want to hear that the world is okay and that there isn’t an offender around every corner.

For us adults, we want to know what the signs that a child is being abused are so we can help them. In my experience, I would say a change in behaviour and/or personality is something that should be investigated and at least a conversation opened with the child about how they’re feeling.

Then we can support staff and schools with an action plan on how to better set up their environment to stand the maximum chance that a student will come forward.

And ways to include parents in the discussion and help them understand their role and responsibility in this.

I had nowhere to turn. That must change.

If you are still reading, I invite you to watch a short 5-minute film that I produced, that may invoke a strong emotional response, but is important.

Now to introduce myself.

My name is Jeremy Indika, I’m the founder of a movement called Something to Say, a podcast host, an award-winning content creator, a sought-after speaker in schools, and a survivor of sexual abuse. I’m fed up with us failing to confront the realities of this crime and I dedicate my life to changing that.

See more of my work at www.jeremyindika.com.

Thank you for reading.

 

Jeremy Indika was sexually abused when he was 8-years old, and after a successful career designing supercars for McLaren, he decided to speak out about what happened when he was 27. He quickly saw the discomfort in people around the conversation and how this was not helping to prevent this crime from happening to today’s generation. So, he quit his career and dedicated his life to making change. He has amassed a respectable following online, founded the movement Something to Say and delivers workshops in schools to students and staff, working towards prevention and empowerment. To see more of his work, visit his website at https://jeremyindika.com/.

 

P.S. If you have something to say in response to this guest blog post, please comment below. We’d welcome your thoughts!

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